We'll always have Shambhala
Well, Uncharted 2, you can't say we didn't have a good run.
You certainly weren't my first. Before you, there was Star Wars: Battlefront II, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, Killzone and Killzone II to pass the time. But you...
Never before had I cherished so much time with a disc, my love. Sure, once when I was in the doghouse, I'd gotten a badge once for being in the top 10 percentile of playing Killzone II.
But to spend 27+ days with you — that was wonderful. And yes, it helped that I was in two bad relationships and two worse breakups during that time.
But perhaps that's what brought us so close together.
Even as each touchup you got after 1.04 made you less desirable, I stuck with you, babe, because you were my Plunder Pussycat. And even after you starting losing weight and your luscious, ample, inviting bosoms shrank from size 70,000 to 35,000, I gave it no second thought. You were still multiplayer enough for me.
And even though I'd never been called both a nigger and a honkey so much in my life except on your servers, I stayed with you. Even when half the fucking people who played the fucking game all fucking decided to fucking people situational awareness camping pussies (motherfuckers), I stuck with you, because the instincts I had acquired were usually enough to defeat their wiles.
And although I'm ashamed to admit it, I wasn't always faithful to you. Oh no! I had continued to suckle on the swollen teats of Killzone 2 and even those of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare, Red Dead Redemption, and even the perky ones of Battlefield II: Bad Company.
But those were just flings, really. And soon after I started competing in those games, I realized how good I had it with you.
But things started going wrong after you introduced me to your younger sister, the Beta for Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception. Although she was alluring, I told myself that her hypnotizing kickbacks and stimulating ziplines, power plays and gun turrets could still not match your more fluid play and our shared memories.
I even outright rejected her at first — until she was able to play Plunder just as well as you could and she fixed her AK-47s. And she even had a wonderful map — Yemen — that was as good as your Highrise but didn't have the annoying falls to my death.
When Beta and my time was cut short, I figured I could return to your after my infidelity, just like I always had with the other games.
But this time it was different.
You went from this ...
... to this.
This time I had adjusted so completely to Beta's style of play that I couldn't function with you. You remember how it was last night, going getting killed 11 times without a kill at one point. You told me it happened to every man at least once in his lifetime, but this wasn't age.
No, no. I had finally moved on.
I know Uncharted 3 won't return for months on end. Until then, I'll shack up with Bad Company 2. I may not have a positive K/DR with that game, but at least I'm able to win there.
And when my new girl Uncharted 3 returns to me, all polished with her voluptuous cluster bombs, I'll be hers and she'll be mine.
But you and I can never get back together. I've tasted the juice of your younger sister's berries, and they were just sweeter.
So keep your chin up. Stiff upper lip.
And remember: It wasn't you, it was me.
-angrybumblebee1
Declining with Age, Retiring with Pride
A baseball hitter steps up to the plate and digs in. He's an aging superstar slowly declining and the fanbase is growing tired. He's stopped being the middle-of-the-order threat and is becoming a liability. The fans want the team to call up the hot prospect to replace him at third base, but its difficult. He's had a long, hall-of-fame career for the team and the fans love him (think Derek Jeter). They all agree, without a doubt, that the superstar deserves to play if he wants to for as long as he wants to, but they're torn. They struggle between their allegiance to their team and the superstar. Everyone except the superstar realizes his time has come. He's enjoyed so much success that he can't let go. He's not sure what to do after he retires, so he prefers to ignore it and keep playing. He knows he's in a significant slump, but he keeps holding out hope for one last hotstreak. His confidence has been shaken during the slump, but he's been so good his whole career he knows he'll start hitting again. It's a prideful confidence that has been built up over his entire career. After a painful few months, on a hot Sunday afternoon in July, he stands at the plate waiting on the first pitch. He gets down 0-2 after taking strike one and fouling one off. With a power pitcher on the mound, he knows the heat is coming. He whiffs badly, way late on the pitch and falls to one knee. In that moment, he realizes he can no longer hit that pitch. He finally comes to the realization that it's time to hang up the cleats. He feels like an old man in a young man's game...and he is.
I just described (I might add rather eloquently, though it required much thought) the fall of Uncharted 2 from the Detroit 3's graces. Uncharted 2 is the baseball superstar. The Detroit 3 are the fans. Uncharted 3 is the hot prospect. Yesterday we finally came to the realization that Uncharted is no longer enjoyable (that pitch). It's old news. We adapted quickly to the Beta and found it much more enjoyable. After the Beta ended, we tried to go back (Kate! We have to go back!) to Uncharted 2, but it was not to be. After failing to adjust back to Uncharted 2, missing things from the Beta, and having our pride trampled by a herd of elephants (it felt like that, Isaac had a monumental deathstreak going), we realized it was time. Isaac and Max quit after being frustrated, and not just quit the match, but ejected the game and started playing Battlefield. We've been frustrated by glitching, teammates, etc. and quit matches, but we've always returned to play again. It was never even a question. This was Uncharted 2 and we would always come back to play it. It was our game. It was the first online game that we all enjoyed equally and we all dominated equally. Nothing feels better than winning and we won...a lot. Yesterday was different though. We spent the first few matches complaining about things and then the frustration took over and I was left playing by myself, realizing Max and Isaac weren't coming back, probably ever to Uncharted 2 except as a joke, and that it was over. I quit and joined them at Battlefield. I've never played a game as much as Uncharted 2 and I don't know if I ever will. It came out at the perfect time when I was in college with free time and friends in the same situation (well not Isaac's crazy relationship situation, you wouldn't believe how much time he put in. I think he had something like 123 hours one week). I wouldn't have even played close to as much Uncharted without the Detroit 3. I'm sure we'll play a lot of Uncharted 3, but I don't know if it'll be the same.
- sabertoothtiger7
Short and Sweet
There really isn't much more I can say that Sabertoothtiger7 and Angrybumblebee1 haven't already said. I will miss it. We all became completely obsessed with this game. We ended up going full nerd and making fan videos of our online play and I do have to say, these are some really fine machinima. Below is the last UC2 video we will ever make, please enjoy and if you would now excuse me, I have some crying to do.
-Maxplatypus
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